sleep deserts

confounds

perdition

perseverating

some windy locutions from this piece on the crisis of no-sleepum in America today

(count me as a victim, although it's possibly down the age of life i'm at)

 sunless space

ordnance versus ordinary life

"The beach house was unintentionally a dream pop band. The record labeling Bella Union, founded by Robin Gusley and Simon Reynold of Cockto Twins"

 Poikiloderma of Civatte

 ardent and coldblooded

 Done a madness 

Fairs

Tart cart

The hurty bum

Bony and boobless

Pubes in exile

Hairy eyeballs

Scared mayonnaise

Showmance

Shit off a shovel

Handy carroll

Waft knickers

Knickery waft

Day dot

Own it with chest

Don’t deep it

Kiss was sick

Early doors

It’s half-monkey

It’s dead sore

Giving desperate

Insinuated them kisses

Kisses like a washing machine

I deeped it

It’s given me the ick

Wifed off

Super gassed

Million percent

Fire fits

My spleen is silent

 I’m waiting for the Naan

Korma Chameleon

You can’t Curry love

Dansak Queen

Poppadom Preach

Tikka to Ride

Blame it on the Bhaji

Abba - Vindaloo

Paperback Raita

Roti for Luck

Cumin Feel the Noize

Coriander Beat Goes On

Don't Murgh Yourself

Mama Weer Jalfrezi Now

How Soon Is Naan

Girlfriend in A Korma

 

Colour supplement piece glued into a scrapbook circa 1979 - the author is possibly Keith Waterhouse. 

Attempts to put these prank tactics into practice - in the elevator at Dillons, in department stores - led to underwhelming results. Perhaps grown-ups instinctively tune out the prattlings of children. Perhaps we weren't good enough actors. 

Conversely, eavesdropping rarely trawls up anything very startling or surreal. 

 

 

The dish in question - the twice-baked Cropwell Stilton soufflé

I don't know why the language in this review of the posh Jermyn Street restaurant Wiltons amuses me so much -  the "undeniably accurate" guidance, the pungent cheesy flavor that "shone through in every bite" - the odd detail about how his fork disturbed the perfectly formed mound...  the wooden and windy "great opening chapter" and the confession that he could have eaten another should there have been "the opportunity to do so."

Sort of Robert Morley meets E.L. Wisty is how I imagine this being read aloud. 

Yet it's a young man who wrote it. 

Reviewer's ID mentions that he was born in the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg - not just Luxembourg which would be enough for most people, but the Grand Duchy

Another dish, more lumbering language

I dunno, looks pretty unappetising to me...

Two old English gentlemen enjoying the fine dining experience at Wiltons (founded 1742)

rejected Daily Telegraph story phoned in from a regional stringer where it reached the copy-editing stage (my dad) but was deemed insufficiently newsworthy to go to press. Maybe on a slower news day? My father brought it home for our entertainment. 

Daily Telegraph's equivalent of Page 3 in those days was not bare-chested young ladies but grisly stories - "boy's arm severed in elevator accident", that kind of thing. Maybe if the car had reversed and crushed a granny or smashed through someone's living room, the news item might have had legs. 

 

 

 tart cart

shit off a shovel

day dot

own it with chest

stand on business

 tango lizards

 done a madness

Budget-size hawk

compact kestrel

 Magpies Softserve - an offputting name for an ice cream parlour

 "shocks the shit out of people"

 poo lasagne

 congratulatory first

denigratory third 

 Anile. Fuscous. Cruddled. Spilths. Gracile

 Minnow Poo

 Snuffige cru

 mackerel sky

 senior thinker and raconteur

 memorable poo

 rosy red bumcheeks

 gush fear

 Niplomancy

clearly a spoof, i mean, c'mon - Professor "Professor Xandros T. Areola"!

 Anomancy

 drug seeking

doffing area

 “a snare and a delusion”

 "that's senile humour"

 the syphilis billboards of Silverlake

 parsimonious, moi?

 ratty bells of dawn

 Flicker Alley

 donnybrook

" Like someone from the Pacific Northwest knit a man"

 it's the stupid, Economy

 metal foam

liquid sunlight alliance

 totally bestride its own time

 see it, say it, sordid

 command climate

 gift of the glib

 a pint of plain

 poo knife - all got to cut up our turds

 the term "racialist"

 micro-lightning in mist

dust bunnies of digital sound with the odd jazz chord coming through

legerdemain

myrmidons

 shitting your language pants

 Rolling is not stopping

 boiled butter

 smelly arm nook

 gravy lolly

 morning huddles

 "hive mind concertina"

(Harry Sword on starling murmurations)

 I Can Crack Nuts With My Thighs

whole album

https://youtu.be/W3Jc4mV1L9E?si=ikW-6_4k4SQNtGK-

 West Baffin Eskimo Cooperative

 occupation: pauper

 wrist castle

 My own private idiot

" I like to egg meself"

 The Shy Farts

"Beavers are strictly vegan"

 Art of Dartness

 virtue's sour smell

 Megakeg

Beerage

Grotneys

 hauntological boners

nookie that never was

revenant erections

 poppadom coloured teeth (bottom row) versus basmati teeth (upper row with veneers)

 Vintage and Gently

 Henry the Apes

 fresh air on toast

 "a life threatening infection in the skin of the perineum"

 morpho sandwich

 parsnip leather

singed moth

 an infinitely old cloud of sentience

 fibre glass face

 porn wives

 fanfaron

 unpopular breath

 laughing academy

 end-flap